Reasons Why

First let me thank you for sending that message of apology 

when I least expected it from a stranger like you.

You didn’t ask me to stay, 

but you effortlessly gave me reasons 

that made me choose to stay, anyway.

.

I appreciate that you got out of your way to send me chocolates say you were sorry.

You didn’t really have to, but at that time I really felt your sincerity.

For the first time I was excited to take the risk into the relationship 

and turn it into a possibility.

.

So now I am writing this piece to let you know

the smallest reasons that made me love you more today —

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For calling me the first time to wish our families well,

which greeted my new year with a very big smile on my face.

For the butterflies in my stomach that make it difficult to sleep at night 

and wake me up even before the sun gets up.

For reminding me to focus despite the times I want to talk all day 

And for encouraging me to do better in what I do each day.

For sharing your memories and stories through music,

And bearing with me for several times about the bug in the listen together feature of Spotify music.

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For being so thoughtful to stay with me as I waited in the vaccination line,

For answering all my ‘get to know you’ random questions with sincerity,

For making it comfortable to share my feelings and thoughts openly,

and for all the times you told me that you do understand me.

For making it up to me even though you fall asleep

in less than a minute after your last reply at night. (di nagrrhyme pero gusto ko lang isingit)

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I know I get needy and tend to overthink at times

But I thank you that I don’t have to hide that from you

And that I don’t have to feel bad when I message you in the middle of nowhere

just to tell you that I miss you.

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I told you many times that I felt like this was all a dream.

But I want to think and I am praying that this is a dream that we’ll both be living.

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These are just snippets of the many things I’ve been writing down

During those days when the reply you’d get from me was a simple “thank you”. (wink wink)

But the list goes on and words are not enough to say

how and why I love you even more each day. 

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Happy V-day.

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(P.S. maraming na edit out sa piece na to, di ko maisingit, pang next time na lang ;))

A RESEARCHER’S JOURNAL ENTRY#2: LIVE WHEN YOUR BRAIN IS ON LEAVE

Some days you will be actively working on those experiments, enthusiastically finding answers to your questions, writing results, and reading papers. Some days, you just can’t – I promise you those days will come. When your neurons are not firing the same way as they did yesterday, do them a favor: drop your pen and paper, stay off your computer. Your brain will thank you later.

I’ve recently accomplished a non-thesis related milestone. Finally, I can get back to thesis writing after 2 days off. Well, surprise, for some reason, I can’t find myself back to analyzing and writing my implementation results with the same enthusiasm I had 2 days ago. I’ve completed my morning routine, ate my breakfast, sat in front of the computer to warm up for an hour like how I’d usually do. But then, boom! It’s 30 minutes past my focus hours, and I still haven’t got my neurons firing the way I expected. My brain is on leave today. I decided it will be.

So here I am writing. Yes! I still am writing, but this time I am not bounded by the formality and correctness of my thoughts, but I am writing to leave a reminder to every researcher reading this — It’s frustrating to know you got a lot to do, yet not so sure what exactly to do, and how you’re supposed to do it. But, come on, what is research when you already know the answers?!

What is life when you already know how to live it? What’s exciting when your day goes by the way you always want it to go? So, get out, work on your hobbies, cook yourself a good meal. Water your succulents. EAT.

MAINGAY

Nais ko lang naman marinig ang huni ng mga ibon.

Ngunit aking narinig ay ang makinang bakal na naguumpugan,

Ang mga ugong ng rumaragasang sasakyan,

Ang tunog ng motor paakyat na kalsada

Jusko nais ko na lang silang sigawan.

.

Nais kong lang naman marinig ang mga kawayang nagsasayawan.

Habang umiihip ang malamig at sariwang hangin.

Ipinikit ko ang aking mga mata —

Nyamet! Rumaragasa na naman ang sunod-sunod na sasakyang paakyat sa kalsada.

May motorcade ba??

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Tumahimik. 

Lumipas ang dalawang minuto.

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Makina na naman — tunog ng mga pinuputol na puno.

Wow! grabe anong klaseng background music to?

Mga puno ang pumapaligid sa akin pero dinig ko ang mga tunog ng mga ikinakatakot kong unti-unting lalamon sa magandang tanawin na ‘to.

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(25th OCTOBER 2020. 1253HRS. BAGUIO CITY)

Takipsilim

Sa umaga, may araw.
Sa gabi naman, may buwan.
Pero anong tawag sa pag-lubog ng araw
at pag-litaw ng buwan?

Takipsilim.

Ang paglipas ng ‘Araw’ at ‘Buwan’,
nabibilang natin sa oras.
Ngunit sa pagdating ng takipsilim,
Nais kong patigilin nito ang oras.

Nais kong pakinggan ang kanyang bulong —
Minsan naririnig kong
bumubulong ang takipsilim:

“Tahan na’t kumalma sa aking piling, kaibigan
Sa gabi’y magpahinga
At sa umaga’y magpakatatag ka.
Iyong alalahanin
Na darating ang liwanag
Tulad ng pag-dating ng dilim.
Bagama’t maniwalang sa aking pagdating, (at ako’y darating)
Lagi’t lagi kitang sasalubungin, sasaluhin.”

4th May 2020. 1921HOURS.

“Overlooking Dusk” (a Haiku)

Drinking black coffee
Over treasured memories
Bring back time to me.

 

(9th May 2020. 1852 HRS.)

Existence

In this busy world

Is there time to acknowledge

(Your) true existence?

 

Does one live the day 

not by how the world demands

life to be lived?

 

To be free.

 

In this busy world,

is there time to acknowledge

How you truly feel

and be equally understood?

 

In this busy world,

can one make time stop

To paint a bright future

only having to think of oneself 

Yet not being selfish?

 

In this busy world,

is there one that truly listens

and understands how the other feels?

 

Can one afford to be honest to himself —

To his own deepest thoughts and feelings?

 

When two people come together,

Do they recognize

Each other’s

(True) existence?

 

Do you exist

 

living the way you truly want to live?

 

(17th April 2020. 0948 HRS. BAGUIO CITY. ECQ DAYS.)                                                      (Image: 29th November 2019. 2052HRS)

A Researcher’s Journal (Entry #1)

There is no such thing as total novelty.

One primary reason aspiring researchers become frustrated is the worry that his work might not be unique (enough).

Eureka! Remember that time when just after you realize your research topic interest,  you get saddened after reading related literatures and realize, ‘Aww, this has been done’. Not by one, but more than a dozen published research, perhaps.

You get the urge to change topic. But mind you, it’s too early to enter the trap.

Dig deeper. All research is but an offspring of previous researches and knowledge-guided insights of the researcher. That’s you!

The novelty in your research is your integration and consolidation of previously known facts and current knowledge. This may include your primary assessment of the problem, primary hypothesis and even primary results.

Dig deeper into the topic first, understand and work on a few initial experiments and simulations. Document your findings — ugly and promising results. Only then that you will realize that there’s much more to work on, more research questions arise, more research opportunities… novelty comes in when you start creating your own specific research questions… after you dig-in deeper.

Let me this post with this: You cannot show the uniqueness of your work if you first can’t show it exists.

 

Always remember, Idowi Koyenikan once said: “If you quit on the process, you quit on the result”.

10 April 2020. 1414 HRS.

 

 

 

 

 

Palayan

Ang buhay ng tao parang mga palayan

na natatanaw sa daan pauwi sa amin.

 

Binabagyo, nababad sa araw,

binabaha’t tinatangay ng hangin.

 

Ngunit sa huli’y, namumunga pa rin

upang sa ‘ting mga hapag ay may maihain.

 

17 February 2020. 2141 HRS.

Post Teachers’ Day

Often times we complain that you don’t teach everything we have to know for the exam.
Thank you to our gradeschool teachers who taught us how to read by ourselves.

There are times we come in too late for class.
Little did we realize you might had to wake up at 4AM to prepare what we had yet to learn.

Oh my! I hate it when you give difficult exams.
Little did we realize that you were also once a student studying so hard to earn this profession.

Most of the time, we end up forgetting lessons as soon as we pass your subject.
We do not realize that you study the same lesson all over again to teach the same subject every single year.
It disappoints us when we get low scores in exams. Little did we know that it also breaks your heart and you too hoped we could have done better.

We often insist that you give partial points and hate you for not doing so.
But thank you, because it teaches us to not settle with less than what we can achieve.

To our thesis advisers, often times we think you make our problems harder than we could have imagined, little did we understand that you just want us to see what we couldn’t.

I hate it when you expect us to know what we don’t.
But thank you for believing that we can learn them ourselves.

(Written: 21st November 2018, Near Midnight)

(Photo: 10th September 2019, 1821HRS)

 

 

 

 

Behind Blurred Eyes

sometimes i choose to remove my glasses and just be thankful that although i don’t see clearly, i know it’s there.

i can’t distinguish the wilting leaves          yet i’m pretty sure that it’s a tree.

i can’t trace the shape of the clouds but i know that it’s a bright sky.

and i see calmness and
peace altogether.

 

(1349HRS. 29th September 2019. Centennial Residences, UP Diliman, Quezon City.)